At my age, it’s very common for friends to speak of “settling down”. Some want to, some don’t, some are ready, some are not. Usually what they mean by this is getting married and/or having children.
I personally want to get married and have children. But regardless of whether one desires to undertake these lifestyle choices, I believe it is wrong-headed to ever regard them as merely “settling down”.
“Settling down” implies that these extraordinary existential adventures are normative, boring and something automatic. But to use such language to refer to such monumentous and complex life experiences should be obviously absurd.
Marriage and family life are full of their own unique highs and lows, with their own special moments of existential pain and pleasure, just as much (perhaps more, I cannot speak from experience) as life as a single person.
These choices should be made voluntarily and intentionally, and to regard them as something one just falls into belittles them. Each marriage is unique in space and time and it’s own chance to reinvent marriage. Likewise, the choice of parenting is a chance to redefine what it means to be a parent. They are adventures in their own right. Tradition informs, it must never dictate. This is an existential view of marriage and family. It requires that one not go into such difficult and important pursuits unthinkingly. Ultimately, we must reject this language of settling down.
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